


And I Know I've done wrong

by englishrose2011



Series: Reaching for the Stars [5]
Category: Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/englishrose2011/pseuds/englishrose2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Ezra ride out to the Larabee Ranch to try and take the next step in their relationship, but it's fated not to go smoothly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The following is a work of fan fiction based on the CBS television series, The Magnificent Seven. It is in no way intended to infringe on the copyrights of CBS, MGM, The Trilogy Entertainment Group, The Mirisch Corp., or anyone else who may have legal rights to the characters and settings. This story is strictly for entertainment.  
> With thanks to MAC for your support and Antoinette my hard working, patient beta reader, for all your help and support during the development of this story.

Ezra rode in silence as his horse matched Chris Larabee’s black stallion. Chris Larabee was a man that kept his own council, and he could imagine the thoughts that must have been going through his head, it wasn’t every day that you decided that you have feeling for another man. Deciding and acting on them where two different things, going out to the ranch, Ezra hoped Chris would finally get to acting on them. But he knew that he couldn’t push him, or else Chris would shy away from him. So for the moment he was content to allow him to take his time. Suddenly Chris pulled his horse up, and turned on him.

“What’s going on with you and the brothers?” The question came out of the blue, and for a moment Ezra was caught off guard. 

“Mr. Larabee, you finally speak.” He drawled, “I thought you said that you had seen us. I would have thought that was self evident.” 

“Smart mouth all you like Ez,” Chris said his green eyes raking over him. “You’re fucking those boys.” 

“So it starts.” Ezra said. 

“And what do you mean by that?” 

Ezra shook his head, “Mr. Larabee, you want me, and it’s pissing you off that they had me first. I don’t know how to tell you this, but if you wanted a virgin, you’rer ten years late. The clan was only the last in a list of men that I’ve had, the only difference was those bastards were.” He paused and tried to suppress a shudder that ran through him as his skin crawled and he could feel their hands on him again, hear the voices of their women. Ezra pushed the feelings to one side, he didn’t have time for self pity now, and he was in danger of losing the one thing he wanted with his heart and soul, Chris Larabee. 

Weakness was not an option, he had to meet Chris head on “If youy can’t get by that, and I thought we had done in the hotel, then this journey is a waste of your time and mine.” He started to pull his horse round only for Chris to reach over and grab his rein.

“Why did you let them?” The aggression was fading from Chris’s voice. 

“Everyone needs to be loved Mr. Larabee, to be held with regard, and the brothers are gentlemen in the purest sense of the word. They treated me with respect, and never humiliation even when I am on my knees to them.” Ezra took a steadying breath, “you have no idea how rare that is.” 

Chris nodded released the hold on the reins, and turned his own horse back in direction towards the ranch, without looking back he said “you coming Ezra.” 

There was a pause, and Ezra nodded to him, “Lead on Mr. Larabee.” Ezra allowed himself a smile; it seemed they had past the first test.” But he was under no illusion that Chris would have more questions. 

How had it all started with Tiny and Yosemite Hughes? 

Three months ago

1.00 in the morning

Ezra came out of the saloon, his winnings safely tucked into his pocket, he had won $100, not bad he mused for a Friday night, tomorrow the stakes would be a lot bigger as the high rollers came into town on the Saturday noon stage.

What happened next Ezra wouldn’t really ever know, one minute he was walking and the next he was jumped, a blow to the back of the head, and as his knees crumbled he was dragged into the alley. Several heavy blows round the face and he could was conscious enough to know they were the bad losers from his table earlier in the evening. His jacket was stripped off him, along with his guns, faces in the dark crowed as they found his money, then hands were clawing at this boots, his waistcoat, at his shirt pulling it off him, tearing it from where it was trapped by his derringer rig on his forearm. Other hands pulled his pants, and long johns down and off him, before throwing him into the mud, naked and falling on him. 

“Get the hell off him.” The deep voice rumbled matched with action as his attackers were thrown off him, he rolled onto his back and in the light from the bonfire burning in the street he saw two large shapes. 

He blinked and then focused on Tiny Hughes, the big blacksmith reached a hand out; when he tried to bat it away and get up himself, the hand wrapped round his arm and he was drawn to his feet and pushed gentle against the wall while he got his bearings. Tiny didn’t release his arm, and it was then that Yosemite had loomed over him as well, his hand latched onto his shoulder, Ezra looked up, and into their faces, even in the light that filtered from the fire burning in the street he had seen through the mask that the brother’s wore. He had felt fear stir in the pit of his stomach, he knew that look and what it mean, and he was in no shape to fight them off. 

It was then that the brothers must have sensed his fear, “You ain’t got anything to worry about Mr. Standish, we ain’t going to hurt you” 

He had seen the brothers around the town, done business with them, and played cards with them, there had been looks they had exchanged, glances that he had caught when they had looked at him. It had been the look of a child looking at the candy in a shop. A child that knew what it wanted, but wasn’t sure how to get it. 

Tiny gave a soft sigh, “I think we should get you cleaned up Mr. Standish, the Saloon.”

“Hell no.” Ezra put in quickly, he was aware of how he would look, his clothes and body covered in mud, couldn’t face seeing the gloating looking on the smug faces of the towns men when he walked back in there, a cheating gambler getting his just deserts. 

The brothers exchanged a look, “The livery stables got a room on the back of it, it ain’t much, but we’ve got an old tin bath...” he trailed off, as Ezra straightened up from where he had leant against the wall and reached down to pick up his soddened clothes.

Tiny beat him too it, and shook his head, “give the man your coat Yosemite.” 

Yosemite stripped off his long coat and handed it to Ezra, adding quickly “a bit of mud ain’t going to hurt it Mr. Standish.” 

Ezra eased it on his sore body, “Lead on Mr. Hughes, a more secluded place would be greatly appreciated.” When he saw them frown puzzled he added “somewhere we won’t be disturbed.” The brother’s nodded he went to walk past them; Yosemite’s arm came up to block him.

“There ain’t a price Mr. Standish.” There was real concern on his face.

There was a pause, Ezra reached up and pushed Yosemite’s arm down, “I know that gentlemen.” 

The men that had attacked Ezra, the ones left unconscious would either be found by one of the seven on their night patrol, or would vanish, forgotten now by the three men as they walked to the livery stable. 

The brothers opened the door to the back room at the livery stable; there was a small pot belly stove already lit and pushing out heat, to take away the chill of the night.

Tiny dug out a jug and handed it to Ezra, “best get some of that inside of you, Mr. Standish, not as good as that fine whiskey you have, but it hits the spot.”

Ezra accepted it and took a quick drink, and nearly choked on it, and then took another, as he felt it warm him right down to his stomach, taking the chill of the cold mud from him. 

Yosemite went and got some water, and put it on the stove to warm, as his brother got some clean cloths and a battered old tin bath, so that they could get Ezra cleaned up. 

It didn’t take too long for the brothers to have a shallow warm bath for him, Ezra eased down, using the warm water to souse down his body, as it help ease the soreness. From the corner of his eye he could see the brothers watching him, and the unmistakable reaction it was having on both of them as he wiped the soft cloth over his body. 

Tiny got up and loomed over him in the bath he knew he wouldn’t hurt him, and when Yosemite did the same the stirring in Ezra’s belly had nothing to do with fear, it was an excitement. He leaned back in the bath, one hand resting on the side of it, the other holding the cloth as he dabbed at this neck with it, his eyes fixed on the brothers as he could see them drinking in his body. It had been a long time since he had been a willing partner in his sexual encounters; the last time had been the clans using his body as payment. What he needed was good memories to replace the old one, kind, and gentle hands to replace brutal and harsh ones. 

He saw Tiny open his mouth to say something, then exchange a look with his brother, but then with shake of the head he looked down at this hands, the brothers he knew were shy men not given to expressing their emotion, their needs. 

“We best are getting you back to the Saloon now, hope you don’t take it wrong that we walk with you, Mr. Standish.” 

“Of course not thank you.” Ezra reached his hand out and Tiny took it effortlessly pulling him to his feet. His heart began to hammer faster again when Yosemite moved in close as well, their clothed big bodies making him all too aware he was naked. He could feel the air around them being charged, he reached a hand out, but before he could touch Tiny, the big man had pushed a threadbare drying sheet into his hand, and stepped back sharply.

Yosemite dropped some clothes onto the bed, “these belong to our nephew, left them last time he came from Eagle Bend, not as fine as your duds, but they’re clean…...” the big man was embarrassed. 

Ezra cut him off, “they will do fine, thanks you.” He paused “Thank you for all that you have done for me, many wouldn’t have helped me.” 

The brothers turned away, and Ezra quickly dried himself and then dressed, as Tiny bundled his soiled clothes into a canvas bag. Ezra pulled his jacket on that it seemed has escaped reasonable unscathed, his guns he would have to clean, before he even though of using them. But with his escorts it seemed using them would be unlikely, when he got to the door, with a boyish shy grin Tiny polished Ezra’s hat with his sleeve and handed it to his owner. 

Over the next few days, Ezra’s body healed but his mood became darker. When the others had heard about his attack, he had been pleasantly surprised in how they had supported him, but his dark mood was down to the fact that the first words out of Larabee’s mouth had been “Who did you cheat this time,” it wasn’t just the words it was the way Chris Larabee had looked at him with such contempt when he said it. Larabee wanted him, but couldn’t stomach it unless he had a belly full of whiskey, and Ezra weren’t going to be anyone’s whisky sodden dirty secret. So it was just a matter of when he left the town. 

Wednesday Evening.

Ezra threw his cards in, and got up from the table, and walked out onto the boardwalk to get a breath of fresh air, his gaze went to the livery stable at the end of town. He gave his cuff a tug and straightened his jacket and headed down the street. 

He found Yosemite and Tiny working, in the livery stable, they broke off when they saw him come in, and they left off what they were doing and went over to him. 

“I think gentlemen there is something that you want to impart to me,” seeing the look he added “you want to say to me.” 

Yosemite nodded “Mr. Standish, if I am wrong here, don’t be going off and shoot me. But I figure that you’re here because you want what we want.” He ran his hand nervously through his hair, and looked towards his brother, who had moved up to his shoulder. Yosemite continued “if you’re not looking, I kinda guess we can all forget about this. 

“It’s what I want gentlemen.” 

“Then Mr. Standish, we aim to give you the ride of your life,” he patted Ezra on the shoulder and nearly sent him flying. Immediately he was apologetic, as he saw the small grimace of pain that crossed the gambler’s face. He exchanged a look with his brother, and saw him nod in agreement, they liked to share their partners, but pain was never something they liked, they would take care with Ezra tonight.

The three of them went to the small room; he had been in before when they had treated his injuries that night. Gathering round him the brother removing his clothing slowly, their hands worshiping his body as they stripped him naked, he had never felt such feeling of power, although they loomed over him, he knew no fear at what they were going to do. He had the power here.

It was clear that the brothers had shared their pleasure before, because as Tiny fondled him until he was whimpering with pleasure that almost boarded on pain, Yosemite had prepared him with goose grease, until he was pushing forward into one brother’s hand, and back onto the others fingers. Only then did them take him, Tiny first pushing him down onto the bed, turning him onto all fours to mount him, as Yosemite, knelt by the bed his hand pumping Ezra so that he came with a cry as Tiny roared his completion. Strong hands had rolled him onto his back, his legs pulled up, coaxed round Yosemite’s waist as the other brother, pressed into his still shaking body, filling him, waiting until his green eyes focused on him, and he felt Ezra bear down on him, before he began to push into him, as Tiny stood by taking a pull from the whiskey jar. The brothers took turns riding him, until his body was soaked with sweat, his dark hair plastered to his face, as he gave and took pleasure in their coupling. Their powerful bodies that could have inflicted pain and humiliation, but instead the brothers had treated him as if what he was giving them was the most precious of gifts. 

That had been the first of many times, with Tiny and Yosemite; their coupling was always done in that small room, in the light of a couple of lamps. Their shadows thrown up against the walls, the only noise the panting and cry of completion, as they experienced the small death. The brothers would take their turns with him, other times he would bury his face in Tiny’s lap sucking him as Yosemite mounted him his body moving gracefully between the two of them as he felt Tiny’s hand buried in his hair, urging him one, as at the same time a large calloused hand pumped him, while Yosemite rode him. The three of them coming together, then he would lay his body lax and boneless across them, as they petted and soothed him. One thing was certainly for a couple of shy men, the brothers had a very active imagination of what they wanted to do with him. 

He had a great fondness for the brothers, but there was only one man that claimed his heart and that was Chris Larabee, the one man he had thought he could never have. 

Ezra was brought back to the present as his horse stumbled and he had to haul it back up before it pecked the ground. He leaned forward patted the horse neck and he calmed it. 

Chris watched him, gave a curt nod and then continued on his way. Tilting his head slightly Ezra admired the view, Chris Larabee, cold and aloof, dressed in the black of total mourning for his lost family, his blond hair the only relief from the total black. 

Back in Four Corners, Mrs. Travis had her cap set for him, seeing him as possible husband and father material, but she was no rival, to begin with he had been frightened that before he could profess his love to Chris that Mary Travis would have scooped him up. But Chris never showed any interest in her beyond being polite to her. He couldn’t believe it when the woman had dangled her son at Chris, telling him without words that what he had lost he could have again. 

For a few weeks he had seen Chris wavier the boy brought back memories of his beloved Adam and he had seen the way that Buck had rallied round his old friend, as his drinking had increased, as Chris had fought some inner battle with himself. Chris had become more abrupt, and there was a violent edge of danger around him. But instead of being scared of him, Ezra had found himself attracted more and more to him. He could see the hurt that was a silent scream of aguish from the gunman. All he wanted to do was take the hurt away from him; unlike Mary Travis he was not there to replace Sarah Larabee. He would given the chance show Chris that he could live again, that there was a place of peace and love beyond the horror that he lived with daily. It would not be easy, but the fact that Chris was taking him out to the ranch was in his eyes a good sigh. That Chris wanted to be alone with him, out of the prying eyes of the town and the other members of the seven. A place that he felt comfortable with, his own territory, where he could be himself, where the he didn’t have to be the man in black, the deadly gun man, that the west feared, and instead could be the man who had once love. A man that only Buck had been privileged to see. 

Looking at the trail, Ezra knew that the next time he rode this trail, he would either be Chris Larabee’s lover, or he would be leaving town, there was no middle ground for him. 

0-0-0-0-0

Chris was aware of Ezra riding at his side, the gambler was just close enough so that he could see him without having to turn his head fully, and he felt a feeling of contentment run through him. For all his smart words, Ezra knew when to be quiet, and had left him to keep his own council on the journey. 

But even so Chris, couldn’t stop the words that he had spat at Ezra playing through his mind, when he had accused him of fucking the brothers, he had done it to hurt the younger man, to try and make ride away, because if he did it would have made it easy. He wouldn’t have had to face his feelings, but Ezra had done what he always did, the gambler had stood up to him and stayed at his side. He exhaled sharply; it did nothing to rid him of the picture that he saw in his mind of Ezra being fucked by the brothers when one night he had entered the livery stable to check on his horse only to hear muffled cries of passion coming from the back, peering through a crack in the door he saw Ezra servicing both brothers. 

He knew he should have turned and walked away, but all he could do was watch as Ezra’s lithe body moved gracefully back and forward, the arch of his back, the way his sweat shinned in the yellow light of the lamp the large hand that clamped on his hip, as one of the brothers lapped the sweat from his skin where it pooled. Ezra’s face buried in Tiny’s lap as he sucked him as Yosemite pounded into his ass, the three of them moving as one. Then an earth shattering moment they came together, Tiny filling that smart mouth that Chris so often didn’t know if he wanted to shut it with a kiss or a fist, with his cum, as Yosmite with a grunt and two fast brutal thrust filled Ezra’s ass with his seed. For a split second it seemed as if the three of them where carved in stone, then Yosemite collapsed forward his weight pinning Ezra to the bed, then Yosemite pulling out of him, giving his ass an affectionate slap, before padding bare assed across the room to pick up a whiskey jug. 

Shaken Chris hurried away, disgusted but at the same time excited by what he had seen, back to the saloon, catching the working girl he saw in the saloon and dragging her upstairs, needing to show himself that he didn’t care what Ez did, but later as he laid spooned with the girl, one arm wrapped round her waist, the other hand kneading her breast as he kissed he throat. All he could see in his mind’s eye was the dark flashing eyes of a certain gambler. 

If he thought fucking the girl would get it out of his system it didn’t work. During the days that followed he couldn’t rid that sight from his mind, he kept chewing it over in his head, like some old hound dog with a bone. He had begun to drink more. Buck and the rest thought it was because the anniversary of his family’s death was coming up, it was that, but it was more. All he had known was that he couldn’t be alone again; he needed to start to feel again. But the great Chris Larabee was frightened to feel again, to feel would be to open himself up to new hurt, so he had got rat assed drunk and gone after Ezra, how fucked up could that have got. Now he had a new chance to put it right. This wasn’t, about wanting a quick fuck; Ezra he knew would never be that to him. Chris had finally been honest with him and knew now that he wanted Ez in his life and in his bed. 

He just had to find the courage to reach out to him. 

The two men rode in silence each man lost in his own world, both men looking forward to reaching the ranch, but at the same time dreading what they would find when finally they had to face their emotions. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

Once at the ranch the two men lost themselves in the small things that needed to be done to bring the ranch back to life again since Chris’s last visit, by doing the chores they avoided the need to talk. 

Ezra had visited before, but had always felt an outsider compared to the others, Buck had worked on Chris’s old ranch, Vin had broken horses on ranches in Texas, but he had spent his life on the river boats and the saloons this for him was so very different. A worrying thought ran though his mind. Would Chris once settled back home, look at him and see a popping jay, a man that could never totally be of his world, a man that couldn’t break a horses, couldn’t ….. Ezra forced himself to take a deep breath, and then he jumped as a warm hand touched his back. 

He spun round Chris was a stood there, a puzzled look on his face, “you alright Ez.” 

“Fine, Mr. Larabee,” Ezra’s defenses came up straight away, the lesion learned, was simple never show weakness, “I am fine.” Then seeing the way that Chris had tensed he smiled, realizing that his reaction must have scared the older man. 

“I was lost in thought Mr. Larabee.”

“Regretting coming out here Ez?”

“No, Mr. Larabee, the only thing that I regret would be no coming out here with you.” He took a step forward, reaching a hand out, only to have Chris pull back, so his fingers just brushed the black sleeve. It was then that it hit Ez, Chris had always leaded, but in this he would have to take control, the older man would be carrying guilt, into their bed. Guilt of being in love with another man, guilt at what they were going to do, and perhaps the worst guilt of all the guilt of cheating on his wife. Sarah might be dead, but she would always be a living presence for Chris. He would have to let Chris understand that it was alright to feel again, that he honored her memory, and that he would never try to replace her. But that would offer his own love unconditionally, to a man that was emotionally crippled, but who he prayed would one day let go the past and embrace the future. 

It was then he felt Chris’s hand lightly stroke the sleeve of his jacket, the fingers brushing down than across his hand, the older man opened his mouth as if to say something and then pulled back and walked away. 

Maybe this was the first step. 

Ezra felt no anger, this was going to be slow, and he would take it one step at a time. There was a lot to be said between them. 

The meal they sat down to was simple a thick strew and some bread fresh from the baker’s oven that morning at Four Corners. The coffee was rich, not the tar that Vin liked, topped with a little whiskey, the fire warmed the cabin, Ez had stripped his jacket, and waist coat off, his guns hung over one of the chairs, reaching up he undid his tie, and popped the top three buttons of his shirt. Looking up he saw Chris watching him, once their eyes met, Chris looked away.

But before he got up, Ezra reached across the table and caught his wrist, the younger man felt Chris pull, but he increased his hold, “there is nothing wrong here,” only then did he release his wrist. 

Finally came the time to sleep, Ezra removed his boots and then sat down on the bed, and looking at Chris quirked an eyebrow, “Mr. Larabee, I am not the big bad wolf, and you sir are not Little Red Riding Hood.” Seeing the look on Chris’s face he grinned “I will have to tell you that story one day.” Ezra patted the bed next to him. “Mr. Larabee, I am not about to jump your bones, and force my evil designs on your body.”

Chris suddenly laughed, the green eyes lighting up, the smile taking years off his grim visage that he usually presented to the world. Taking his boots off Chris lay on the bed, and then reached a hand out, drawing Ezra to him, and into his arms. Ezra settled on his side, and lightly draped one arm over Chris, for the moment that was enough. Just as he dropped asleep he heard Chris’s voice soft against his ear, “give me time Ez, and just need time.” 

0-0-0-0-0

The dawn light came through the window, as Chris opened his eyes, for a moment his whole body started as he felt the warmth of another body pressed against him, then it all came back, he was sharing his bed with Ezra. His bed, Chris took a breath and then allowed the tension to ooze out of him, as he settled back against the mattress, Ezra; he breathed the name softly, and tightened his loose grip, round the gamblers waist and pulled him closer.

Since Sarah had died he had slept with whores, but no one had shared his bed, as Ezra was doing now, they had done nothing more than sleep, but he had felt more at peace than he had done in the years since his Sarah had been murdered. He closed his eyes, what he was doing was wrong in the eyes of the law and the church, there would be no blessing for his union with Ezra, but in his own eyes, he would be just as much Ezra’s partner as he had been Sarah’s. What would the boys think?

Buck would just shake his head, throw an arm round his shoulder and ask what Ez was like in bed. Vin would just be happy for him, only Nathan might judge, and JD was too young to understand, but his friends wouldn’t turn from them both he was sure of that. 

“Smiling Mr. Larabee, I am not a mind reader, but I can guess? Chris’s eyes opened to find himself nose to nose with the younger gambler.

“You think so Standish,” Chris drawled.

Chris tried to keep his face straight but his lips twitched, as he had the sudden impulse to kiss that smart mouth. But for the moment he decided to play Ezra’s game, as he said “and that is?”

“Mrs. Travis’s face would be a picture.” 

Chris for a heartbeat just looked at him and then burst out laughing, as the image of Mary’s indignant face flashed in front of him. 

Impulse hell, Chris pulled Ezra down their noses banged and it was a fumbled mess and then Chris had Ezra rolled under him and where he wanted him, and then kissed him, the kiss was anything but tender, then Ezra took control, understanding the frantic nature for what it was. Chris was scared; the man in black, the infamous gunslinger was scared of him, of what he would do, of this. So he wrapped his hand round the back of Chris’s head, his fingers sliding through the dirty blond hair, cradling his skull as he began to kiss Chris back. 

 

Softening the kiss, making Chris know that he wouldn’t reject him, that he wanted this as much as he did. Pulling back slightly so that Chris had to follow him, finally breathlessly they broke the kiss, only Chris didn’t want to break this intimate contact with Ezra, and rested his forehead against Ezra’s as slowly their breathing became quieter and matched breath for breath.

“Mr. Larabee.”

“After that, you call me Mr. Larabee,” Chris said, “Hell I can’t wait to hear what you call me the first time we f….” he trailed off. Chris eased back, and his voice became harder, and Ezra saw the resolve, this was important to Chris that he understand it.

“I never fucked my wife,” Chris’s voice faulted slightly, “what we had, was special, so and what we do in bed, will never be fucking, I….” he trailed off. But Ezra could see that Chris was struggling for words but he understood, and deep inside of him Ezra felt a warmth flow through him. No one had ever thought him that special; that Chris talked of him in the same breath of his beloved wife was humbling. 

“I know that Chris,” he said the name softly, the first time he had ever said it out aloud. 

Feeling the older man trembling him pulled him down against him, so that his blond head was resting on him, over his heart, and wrapped his arms loosely around him. It was still early they had time yet, and if all they did was lay like this, Ezra felt content. As he felt the trembling slowly ease and Chris’s arms hold him close. 

It wasn’t going to be easy, but Ez was in for the long haul. 

 

0-0-0-0-0-0

If last night had been a step forward, then in the morning it was a giant step back. 

Chris was gone the next time that Ezra woke up, he hadn’t even bothered to wake him, the breath came from Ezra in a soft sigh, and for a moment he lay there looking up a at the ceiling wondering if Chris had just left his bed or left the Ranch. He looked round and saw that Chris’s duster was still there, surely he wouldn’t leave without that, it was then he heard the steady thudding from outside of the cabin. Getting up, he pushed the curtain aside and saw Chris, stripped to his waist steadily chopping wood for the stove. Ezra allowed himself a few minutes to admire the view, Chris was a fine looking man, and Ezra could help a possessive surge when he saw him. 

Chris had made a choice he hadn’t panicked when he woke up in bed with him, and kicked him out; that Ezra thought ruefully had happened to him before, when his lover had panicked. But Chris had left the bed, and him sleeping so even if the blond was unsure he was still wanted he, and so Ez knew he had to move slowly with him, and not trap him into a corner, by wanting too much too soon, if he did that, then Chris might bolt, where as if he allowed him space and took it slowly, and then he might just get the result he wanted. 

One thing that couldn’t be ignored was that Chris was very much a leader in all things, and in their relationship, he had to allow Chris to take the lead, or an amused smile tugged Ezra’s lips, or think that he did. This was going to be the con of his life, and he had so much to lose if it went wrong. 

Getting up Ezra pulled on the travel jacket he carried, leaving his red jacket hanging up, and then pulled his boots on, stamping them down so they fitted comfortably , there was chores to be done, and the sooner they had been completed them sooner he could get back to the real reason he was here. He wasn’t a ranch hand, like Buck, but he had worked on his relations farm before the war as a child, and knew what needed doing. 

Nathan would be surprised if he knew what he had done, the healer thought of him as a plantation owner’s son, a rich son of the south that had turned to gambling after the war. Well that was a laugh, as a kid he had shoveled horse shit with the best of them, as he mucked out the stables, and bagged it to be taken to the fields to fertilize the them. He had felt the sting of a belt on his backside and back when he hadn’t worked fast enough, there had been no place in the Standish family for the bastard son of their wayward daughter. If he was left with them he had to work. The truth that was beaten into him was that he was an inconvenience for them, and for Maude he was like a parcel that was dropped off at whatever relative would take him, and it was understood that by working he would pay his own way, until finally he was old enough to be able to take part in the cons she was running, where he would either be presented to the mark as her son or more usually as her younger brother, whatever the con needed he became an expert in giving Maude what she wanted. 

So he was going to show Chris that he knew his way round a ranch, he might not be able to break horses, but he wasn’t a hot house flower that would wilt at the first sign of hard work. But hard word was, he smiled to himself was always on his terms. 

Chris looked up as he came out, and a thrill ran through Ezra as he saw the way that Chris looked at him, there was a hunger in his eyes, that made Ezra’ breath catch. The need was there, it was just a matter of getting Chris to act on it. 

They worked together, stopping midday for bread, cheese and cup of coffee, their talk was natural, and the silences didn’t seem forced, as slowly the two of them found the natural rhythm of being together. Ezra finished his coffee on the porch stood leaning against the post, if someone had told him he could find happiness on a broken down ranch, he would have laughed in their faces. In the past happiness had always been measured in the amount of money in his pocket, romance was a tool to be used, on moon eyed rubes, who where to be taken for every dime they had. 

Chris came up behind him, and he felt the older man wrap an arm round his waist, and tug him gently back so that he rested again Chris’s chest. Ezra closed his eyes as he felt Chris’s breath warm against the back of his neck, then the cup was taken from his hand, and Chris drained it.

Turning inside Chris’s hold Ezra said with a smile “Sneaky Mr. Larabee, I take it we have run out of coffee?”

The smile and chuckle he got, was the true Chris Larabee, from a time before his world went black, and Ezra felt humbled. Only Buck had ever seen this part of Chris, but at the same time he was saddened, that his lover was so damaged that he could only show this side of him rarely. 

Suddenly, Chris tensed, and pulled away from him, turning, Ezra saw the dust cloud that told of riders approaching the ranch. Caution made them both reach for their weapons, only relaxing as the riders were identified as Buck and JD. 

Ezra looked to Chris and immediately he saw the difference in him, the shield was back in place, the man he had glimpsed was gone, and the mask was back in place. 

Ezra liked Buck the big hearted man had been accepting of him from the beginning, and wasn’t judgmental of him as Nath had been, but the younger man mused would that still apply if he found out that he wanted to bed, Chris. 

Buck lived his life to the full, and his love lift was a scandal. So really Buck shouldn’t have a leg to stand on if he objected. But in his heart Ezra knew that human nature being what it was, there were two different standards. Somehow he always was seen by others to have fallen short when he was measured against the yard stick of acceptable morals. 

Buck he knew might lie on both sides of the blanket, but Chris was closer to the bigger man than a brother, and Chris’s own part would be forgotten, and he would be seen as the seducer of a widowed man. Any fault would be laid on his head. 

But he would be damned if he lost Chris now. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

Buck was amused by JD’s attempt to talk him out of going to Chris’s ranch. The kid acted as if he didn’t have a brain in his head, and couldn’t work out himself how the wind blew between Chris and Ezra. On the plus side the kid wasn’t’ scandalized by what was happening between the two older men, if in fact he was very tolerant. So was Buck, who you got into bed with was your own choice, but not if your name was Chris Larabee. Personally he liked Ez and in the early days he had been one of the few of the seven to see that there was more to southerner than a slick talking cheating tin horn gambler. 

But this was Chris, and that made all the difference. Chris had seen too much sorrow in his life, his older brother shot down right in front of him, his family farm burned down and his father brutally attacked because someone wanted their land. That had turned the solider into the gun man, and finally the murder of his wife and son that turned the gunman into the angle of death, a black clad harbinger of death welding a six gun instead of a scythe. 

So Chris if he gave his heart to someone that person damn well better be worthy, that person had to know what he or she was holding was a precious gift, the last spark of life that needed to be cherished. He had he mused sat back and watched Mary Travis, try and hook his friend, dangling in front of him what he had lost, the chance of having a family again. 

But that wasn’t what Chris needed a copy of the past. What he needed was someone that would give their heart to him and with whom he could build his own future, while honoring the past. 

Ez could give him that, now old Chris had never shown any signs of walking the wild side, he had catted his way round the whore houses with the best of them, but his taste had always gone for dark long hair and firm breasts. So why he should be attracted to Ez was another thing, if he was going to bed a man, he would have expected him to share Vin’s bed. The younger Texan had in only a couple of hours become inseparable from Chris, cut one and the other bled. Surely it was logical that he would have found comfort in the Texan’s arms. 

But then the heart is a fickle thing, and Buck was becoming more and surer that it wasn’t men but one man, Ez, that Chris was now interested in. Well they where nearly at the ranch now, and he would get a chance to see the two of them together. With a sigh he made an effort to listen to JD again, the fact he hadn’t answered hadn’t slowed the kid down who was still talking a mile a minute as to why this wasn’t a good idea. 

Buck kicked his horse into a run, as he closed on the ranch, waving his hat in welcome; a broad grin on his face, the next few hours was going to be real interesting. 

0-0-0-0-0

Ezra watched Buck reined up outside of the cabin, Ezra pulled himself up straight, and met Buck look for look, and he had nothing to be ashamed about. His lips quirked into a smile, and he tilted his head slightly, hand on heart he could swear that he had Chris hadn’t done anything; Chris had yet to get the courage to lay a hand on him. So he would be damned if he looks guilty about anything they had done or what he planned to do with the blond. 

JD called a greeting the smaller young man looking embarrassed, “Sorry Ez, but Buck wanted to check up on Chris,” he gave a shrug leaving the rest of what he was going to say hanging in the air. 

“Don’t believe a word of it, the kid wanted out of town just as much as I did.” Buck smirked “Cassie came a calling.” He left the rest of it hanging in the air, and the smirk became a full blown grin. Then to Chris he added “you get him to do any work, or….”

Chris cut across him “he did his share,” he said levelly, then added “More than some people I know.”

“Hell old dog, didn’t know you were keeping count.” Buck shifted in his saddle, Ezra could feel his gaze moving between him and Chris and then resting back on him again, he saw the smile hardening, it was only for a heartbeat and then it was gone. Then Buck was swinging down from his saddle, clasping Chris on the shoulder and dragging him back into the cabin. 

JD collected the reins of both horses, “I didn’t expect to see you JD.” Ezra said levelly.

“Sorry about that, Buck’s a regular immovable object when he’s got a mind to do something.” 

Just then he heard Chris’s voice calling to him to get his ass inside, Ezra pulled himself together, his face proof against any emotions, and headed in after them.

Buck was his usual self, telling them of his love life, the husband that had nearly ventilated his hide, but all the time Ezra could feel the bigger man’s eyes on him, oh Buck might look like a good old boy, and sound like one. But the man had a keen brain, and Ezra began to read into the sub text of what he was saying. Buck was giving his oldest friend an opening to tell him, but Chris said nothing, hell he didn’t expect Chris to be all over him like a drunk with a saloon girl at the Long Branch Saloon in front of Buck and JD. But he expected so token of affection. 

Chris ignored him, and inside of Ezra something started to die, when finally Buck decided to leave, Ezra had to stop himself going with him, and something must have shown in his face, because he saw the look on Chris’s face. He suddenly understood. If he stormed off then Chris didn’t have to face the decision he could push his feeling away and lock down his emotions and live a safe life. Safe of having to commit to anyone so instead of running Ezra stopped behind and stood his ground. 

With promises of returning on Monday, they watched Buck and JD ride away. Ezra waited until the horses’ hooves melted away into the night, when he turned on Chris, and shook his head slowly. “Mr. Larabee, I somehow expected more.” 

Chris was immediately on the defense, the look on his face showed that he knew what he had done, so he lashed out verbally. “You want that I tell them that we’re,” his voice trailed off and Ezra cut across him. 

“What are we Mr. Larabee? Ezra shook his head, “If you can’t say it Mr. Larabee. You can’t do it.” 

Ezra went to brush past him, only to have his arm caught. 

“Unhand me Sir.” There was a bit to the words, and Chris let go was if Ezra red hot. “You have something to say Mr. Larabee?”

When there was no reply Ezra was about to go, only for Chris to say “iwantyouas mylover.” 

Ezra looked over his shoulder at the older man. “It helps to breathe Christopher.” 

“DAMN IT TO HELL.” Chris snapped his voice rising in anger. He spun Ezra round and kissed him, hard and passionately.

Ezra rode the kiss out, and then took control of it, turning it into something softer and loving. Finally breaking the kiss he rested his forehead against Chris as the two of them regained their breath. Taking his hand Ezra drew Chris back into the cabin. But in his heart he knew that Chris wasn’t ready yet, but what he could do was show him a little of the pleasure they could share together. A promise of things to come. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

As Buck rode away from the cabin he was thoughtful, he prided himself on being able to read people, and Chris was an old enough friend for him to read between the lines. Chris had found someone, and against the odds he thought he knew who. The person was a certain red coated gambler, the fact it was a man had been a bit of a surprise, old Chris had never shown an interest in men before. But Buck believed in one thing that love came in all forms and he certainly wouldn’t be hypocritical enough to turn his back on Chris for wanting Ez when he was bedding Vin himself. 

The one piece of the puzzle was Ez, he had known about the younger man’s tastes, for some time, oh Ez hid it well, but he never bedded any of the ladies that he was seen with, and he had seen that Ez made visits to the livery stables, that had more to do with him than this horse. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

Ezra lay next to Chris on the narrow bed, the blond was fast asleep, but Ezra was still wide awake but he was deep in thought.

Chris had followed him to bed after Buck had left, and they had kissed and touched, and Ezra had felt his heart surge as he had felt Chris’s body responding to his hand, and the overwhelming need it has stoked inside of him had made Chris pin him to the bed, his hands and mouth worshiping his body, making him hard and needing, as Chris had pulled his clothes roughly open desperate to get to his body. Ezra had thrown his head back moaning in softly, as he had allowed Chris free reign over him, wanting only what Chris wanted, finally it seemed that Chris was ready. 

He had turned on his side, to make it easy for Chris to enter him, but Chris had just pushed himself between his thighs, rubbing against him, Ezra had grasped his hands, arching against him, he had twisted his head as he reached back to claim Chris’s face and kiss him. But it was then that he had see Chris’s eyes were closed, and he had realized that although Chris’s body was willing, in his mind Chris was laying with someone else, the name was whispered softly from Chris’s mouth in time with each thrust of his hips.

Chris wasn’t touching him, he was touching her, when he kissed he wasn’t kissing him he was kissing her, and that the moment that Chris climaxed splattering his thighs with his seed, it had been her name that Chris had call out loudly. 

The moment that Chris had opened his eyes, Ezra had seen reality collided with illusions, and something inside of the blond gunman died and he had seen the sadness on his face. Chris had desperately tried to continue to make it good for him; he had rubbed up against him again, his hand cupping him, roughly trying to give him pleasure, but that very same desperation had made Ezra blink away the tears. 

So Ezra have given himself to Chris, using everything that he had ever learned to make this good for him. Finally Chris had rolled off him, and gone to sleep, one arm wrapped round his waist, Ezra had laid there watching the light slowly change as dawn had come. There was only one thing he could do. 

0-0-0-0-0

Chris woke and reached for Ezra and the side of the bed was cold, he sat up and looked round puzzled, then he stretched slowly, Ezra must have left the cabin to use the outhouse, but it was then he noticed that Ezra’s things were missing, and laid on the table was a piece of paper. 

Quickly Chris was out of bed and reading the paper, the message and clear and to the point, Ezra loved him, but it wasn’t going to work, he understood that Chris wasn’t able to accept him, in the way that he needed to be wanted, and that it was his fault for not being worthy of him of his love. Chris closed his eyes and his hand gripped the paper tightly, as he swore under his breath, and he threw the paper onto the table and grabbed his clothes. Then he had halted with one hand on the door, was this what he really wanted, if he went after Ezra and dragged him back, he would have to admit to his feelings. Last time had been good, Ezra had responded to him, moaning and writhing on his back like a five dollar whore. 

Chris shook his head, angry with himself why was he thinking like that Ezra wasn’t a whore, he was the man he what……. The man he loved? For each step forward in their courting, he took four back, last night Ezra had felt so good in his arms, and he had explored every inch of the gambler’s body. For the first time allowing himself to let go, but then in the dark, he could think only of Sarah, of holding her close of making love to her, Ezra had become nothing more than a substitute for her. Something flesh and blood to take the chill from his heart, and as a man, he could lie to himself, that by bedding Ezra he wasn’t tainting her name by taking a woman to his bed, that his emotions for Ezra were not the same. 

If he went after Ezra now he would have to be true to himself, that Ezra was now the dominate force in his life and that Sarah and Adam were lower consigned to his memories, and that he was making a new life. 

Chris strode to the barn; If Ezra thought he could run out on him, he had another thing coming. And God help anyone that went after Ez, because they better form a queue because he wanted words with the gambler first, and would plant anyone that got in his way.” 

The End


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra had fled Four Corners and is heading for Lucky Strike, little knowing that an old friend is waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks for my heard working and beta reader Antoinette, and MAC for her support while I was writing it. Thank you ladies, this is dedicated to you both.

For I know that I’ve done wrong (Part Two).

Chris Larabee was pissed and the world knew it the moment that he rode into Four Corners the people began to melt out of his way, the man in black radiated anger that only a suicidal fool or an old friend would risk having directed at them.

Buck sat in front of the jail sipping his coffee as Chris stalked past him. Looking up to the heavens  with a deep sigh he got up  and followed him. It looked like his picnic with Mary Jo was going to have to be postponed. This Chris was too dangerous to be allowed to run around without a keeper. What he was looking at was the old Chris, the one who would kill a man as soon as look at him, something had him…. Buck shook his head Ezra, the gambler, was the only one that could get Chris this riled up. He had hoped that left alone they would get together. Hell he hoped that they would fuck their brains out … and get their act together. Chris needed the feisty gambler. And Ez needed someone that would never leave his side and would give him a stability that he lacked.

Stability and Chris, Buck couldn’t help a smile to twitch his lips, old Chris wasn’t exactly the picture of mental stability but Ez had made a difference to him and at the ranch he had seen glimpses of  Chris before his wife and son had been murdered , and it was all due to the younger gambler.

Now he had to bite the bullet and find out what had gone wrong. The first thing he saw when he entered was JD clutching a wanted poster to his chest as if it was a shield that could somehow save him from Chris’s wrath.  His mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water, as he tried to explain what had just happened, so Buck saved him the trouble.

“JD, Vin, was heading out of town so you best go get him”, the relief of being able to get the hell out of Chris’ way showed plain on the youngster’s face.

Buck entered the Sheriff’s office, and immediately Chis turned his fury on him. Buck threw up his hands up in mock surrender as he said, “Hell Chris, JD was ready to piss his pants, and so you want to tell me what you said? Because that kid doesn’t have one mean bone in his body” Buck raised an eyebrow, “Right so that the way the winds blowing, Ez did a runner did he so I have to ask. What the hell did you do to that boy?”

“Nothing.” Chris snarled back at him his hand drifting towards his gun.

Buck saw it but ignored it, that was a warning - keep pushing and you're be spitting lead - but Buck wasn’t going to back down, in his mind he had failed his old friend when Sarah died, he wasn’t going to fail him again. It was time to call his old friend on it.

“Nothing,” Buck parroted back at him as he leaned forward into Chris’s space. “That boy has feelings for you; he wouldn’t run unless you screwed up really bad.”

Chris’s face darkened and Buck saw the killer in his old friend coming to the fore, but he had started and wasn’t going to stop now.  “Chris you tell me if I am wrong about that and you tell me now.”

The man in black didn’t answer him, so Buck continued Chris hadn’t denied it and that spoke volumes to him.

 “You didn’t hit him did you, because if you did…..” He glanced down at Chris’s hand resting on his gun, the long fingers tapping the butt.

“Back off Buck.”

But Buck wasn’t going to do that he wanted an answer.  “Did you Chris, did you take a fist to him…..”

“No,” Chris snapped back and then added. “He ran out on me. I want to know why.”

“To punish him?”

Buck saw the conflict of emotions on his old friend’s face, then finally Chris said “Hell no, I just want answers.”

Buck nodded slowly, he could live with that answer “I’ll get the supplies, and….”

“You’re not coming with me” Chris made a slashing motion with his hand.

“Brother, I either go with you or I’ll follow you.  Like it or not Old Buck isn’t sitting this one out.”

“Your funeral,” Chris said as he stalked out of the office, all but knocking Buck out of the way.

0-0-0-0-0-0

As soon as JD returned with Vin, Buck waved the youngster away and took the Texan to one side, and quickly explained what was happening. He didn’t give away any secrets but the grin Vin gave him showed him that the Texan was well aware how the wind blew between Chris and Ez, and that he approved.

An hour later as they were riding out of town Mary Travis came out of her office and started towards them no doubt keen to find out where they were going, “Mr. Larabee…” she called out, only to have Chris dug his spurs to his horse’s flank and leave the town at a gallop.

 Buck watched him go with a shake of the head, and then turning to the stunned woman  touched the brim of his hat in greeting, “Mrs. Travis” he said politely, and then before she could quiz him, him kicked his horse forward into a run, leaving Mary staring after them. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

It didn’t take Buck long to catch up with Chris and match his pace, Chris obviously didn’t want to talk so Buck rode next to him in silence keeping a watching brief on his old friend. He wasn’t sure what to expect when Chris found Ezra, but he hoped to be the voice of reason, or failing that a strong arm to stop Chris doing something that he would regret.

One thing was certain, Chris wasn’t going to bare his soul to him, he knew him too well for that. Chris was tight lipped when his emotions were concerned; he hadn’t even been able to tell him about his attraction to Sarah. Instead he had been become possessive of her, frightening off any man who looked at her but at the same time not making a move on her himself. Buck allowed himself a smile as he remembered the feisty blond striding over to Chris, standing there with her hands on her hips looking up at him, and demanding to know what the hell he was doing. Oh Sarah was a pretty little thing but tempered with steel, the perfect partner for his hot-tempered friend. It had only been then that Chris had lost his temper and dragged her into a kiss that had the whole street whooping and hollering that he had made his intentions known. Now with Ezra, Chris was on a slow burn, and the smart mouthed gambler was going to have to do some real fancy talking to save himself from the wrath of Chris Larabee? Not that Ez was in any danger of being shot but the fireworks where going to go off when Chris finally found him.

It had puzzled Buck why Chris hadn’t taken Vin, the Texan made for a logical choice if Ez needed tracking, so that meant that Chris knew that Ez hadn’t left the area and could be found at one of the small towns that had sprung up around the cattle trails and the mining camps.

  *          *                                    *                                                        *



 

0-0-0-0-0

The Sheriff of Lucky Strike saw the newcomer ride into town, and lit his cigar. He recognized him as Ezra Standish, one of the seven regulators that looked after Four Corners. He hadn’t had cause to work with them professionally, but he had heard good things about them from Ed Taylor at Eagles Bend.

Lucky Strike wasn’t Standish’s usual port of call, for some reason the southern gambler tended to miss them out and carry on to Longville which  given the deep pockets of the miners had always surprised him.   Just then Brad Morgan his deputy came up “this just came in Ed.”

Ed read it and then pushed it into his pocket.

Brad waited… and waited…. “Hell Ed, what’s it say?”

“Just go back to see Johnson at the office and telegraph Four Corners and tell them Standish is here.”

“They lose him or something?”

“Or something s.” The sheriff said slowly.

0-0-0-0-0

 

Riding in Ez looked down the street, Lucky Strike was basically a one street town which had sprawled out along the line of the landscape.  He kicked his horse forward and looked over the six saloons and two hotels knowing with the amount of money he had in his pocket he was going to have problem. The poorer saloons would only give him a small pay off because they would attract only players with a few dollars to their name and in the high end saloons he wouldn’t have enough money to buy into the games, so that left the Long Branch saloon as his only option. As he dismounted he heard someone call his name.

 

0-0-0-0-0

Jack Collins had arrived in the town six months ago after the reified air in New Orleans had become too hazards for his heath, a bit too much lead in if for his liking. He had left one jump ahead of a lynch mob, but he had managed to clear out his safe, so it hadn’t taken much to open up his business again.

 It hadn’t taken him long after he had arrived in town to know that Ezra was in Four Corners, if there was one thing that the people that frequented his saloon like to do besides drink gamble and take a turn with the ladies, and that was gossiping. One of the main topics was the regulators of Four Corners; the men enjoyed telling and retelling the stories about the seven men that guarded it. So he had learned that Ezra Standish was working the local saloon in between his law duties, he had nearly choked on his whiskey the first time someone told him that Ezra was a law dog, he had then spent the next two weeks trying to work out Ezra’s angle, but in the end he was just as clueless as to why his wayward friend would still be in Four Corners, it just didn’t make sense. Now he might finally have an answer to his question.

“It’s been a while Ezra my boy.” Jack said smiling as Ezra turned to face him, he looked the younger man up and down not happy with what he saw, Ezra had shadows under his eyes grime incrusted on his skin and he hadn’t shaved and he looked like he had lost weight. This wasn’t just the result of a hard ride; it was so much more those intelligent eyes that had first drawn him to Ezra were dull and listless.

He saw the smile that Ezra was giving him and wasn’t fooled for a minute that was the one he gave the rubes that came to his tables, it meant Ezra was on the defence and the boy never reacted well to that, “you must be parched after that ride, join me with a drink,” Collin’s held his arms out wide, “at the best saloon in town.”

Following Jack Collins into the saloon, Ezra paused to knock the dust from his coat. It was easy to see that Jack has spent money on the place. The Long Branch was a high class place with a mahogany bar, copper spittoons and dance hall girls kitted out in expensive dresses. If the rumours were correct perfume imported all the way from Paris France. There was a small raised area to the left of the bar, where the seats and poker table reeked of money, that was the high roller table, there they served only the finest whiskey and a buy in started at $100 a game, that at the moment was beyond his funds, so he allowed Jack to lead him over to one of the tables. As soon as he was seated one of the girls came over with a tray with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, Jack gave her a warm smile, as she poured out a generous glass of whiskey to each of them.

Jack leaned back in his chair one hand wrapped round a tumbler of whiskey as with his other he  waved round encompassing the whole saloon “it’s an improvement on Fort Griffith, you have to admit that Ez.”

 “Anything is an improvement on that.” Ezra said raising his glass in salute.

Jack mimicked the salute, “I have a deal if you’re interested. I can offer you a table dealing faro, the miners round here like to buck the tiger, you get 5% of the house take on your table, and I’ll extend you a credit line of $500 for old time sake on the high roller tables.” He raised an eyebrow, “your credit has always been good at my saloons Ezra.” He leaned forward offering a hand and they shook.

For the first time since he had ridden away from Chris, Ezra could feel the heavy weight in his chest begin to lift he had a purpose a place to rest until he could work out clearly what he would do next. 

0-0-0-0-0

Eagle Bend

Buck knew that Ezra worked a gambling circuit. Every few months Chris would allow him to take a week off knowing that just as Vin needed to go to the mountains Ezra needed the circuit to keep him sane.

The rules of the circuit were simple at each town. Ezra would telegraph back to Four Corners so that if he was needed he could be called back. So it was simple for Chris to track his movements now all he had to do was telegraph each of the towns and wait for a reply. Only Chris wasn’t a patient man, and had taken to the trail himself, relying on JD to co-ordinate the telegrams. One thing was sure it was soon very plain that Ezra was making no attempt to leave the area. So Buck mused, that looked promising. If Ezra had really wanted to distance himself from Chris he would be half way across the territory by now, instead he was keeping to the local area. So as far as Buck was concerned it showed that Ezra was undecided what to do.

When he came out of the telegraph office he looked towards the saloon Chris would want to see this as soon as possible.  JD had forwarded the message on; they now had the information they needed. Ez was at Lucky Strike.

Seeing Sheriff Monroe heading toward him he could sympathise with the man, Monroe had shown himself to be a supporter of the seven but that didn’t mean that he liked having a pissed off Chris Larabee in his town. Like this old Chris was like a barrel of gunpowder, all it needed was one miss said word and like a spark to the barrel he would blow leaving death and carnage in his wake. This telegram would go a long way to defusing him, but still it would be best to get him out of town.

“Buck, I saw Larabee with you. Have to ask, are you boys going to be in town long?”

Buck exhaled slowly, “Don’t have to worry about that, we got what we needed,” he waved the piece of paper in way of explanation. “Chris is a mit,” he paused and shrugged “he’s pissed off at the moment, no way round that.”

“Should I start worrying?”

“No,” Just then there was a gun shot, “May be,” and Buck headed towards with saloon with Monroe on his heels “Coming in.” Buck yelled just before he came through the bat wings into the saloon. It didn’t pay to crash in just after a gunfight. It was the perfect way to get your head blown off.

Chris was stood against the bar, his gun in one hand, knocking back a whiskey; he put the glass down, his eyes never seeming to leave the man on the floor.

Monroe followed Buck in, keeping his hand clear of his gun, “Burt, you see what happened here?” He addressed the bartender.

“Jeff Rock, called out Mr. Larabee, guesses he’s lucky to be alive.”  The bartender said levelly, watching as Rock’s friend helped him into a sitting position, the older man with him turned towards Chris. 

“Boy’s young Mr. Larabee, kinda ….well, hell the boy’s an idiot, appreciate you not killing him.”

Chris just nodded and tapped the bar with the shot glass, Burt quickly filled it.

“Mind telling me why he pulled on you Larabee.” Monroe asked, the Sheriff met the level grey eyes of the gunman, and somehow managed to avoid a shudder, there was something dead in Larabee’s eyes.  In his time as a Sheriff he often had to kill to uphold the law but Larabee was something else, a cold blooded killer like death in a black duster.

“You heard the man Monroe, the kid was stupid, wanted to call me out. So I settled it. “Chris looked at the paper in Buck’s hand. “Got something for me.”

“Ez is in Lucky Strike.”

The gun pin wheeled on Chris’s finger and into his holster with a slap, and then drained his drink and pushed away from the bar.

He paused on his way out level with Monroe, “got a problem with this Sheriff.”

Monroe shook his head, and walked over to the kid as Chris and Buck left. The Sheriff didn’t envy Buck; riding herd on Larabee took guts and a degree of insanity that he was pleased to leave with the good-natured Buck.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Lucky Strike

Jack watched Ezra at work at the Faro table and then later playing poker. With all his customary confidence and razor sharp wit he was soon a firm favorite of the gambling fraternity of the town. But it was clear of to him that Ezra was far from his old self, the younger man was always careful with the way he dressed but this Ezra didn’t. There was a worn air to him once his marks had gone, it was as if the effort of keeping that mask in place was too much and Ezra would retreat into himself. He had also noticed the drinking, a quiet word with his bartender had confirmed what he expected, Ezra was drinking heavily, not enough yet to affect his skill with the cards but that would come soon.

After three days Jack decided enough was enough, the saloon was closed late in the evening the last of the drunks thrown out for the night. After collecting the money and putting it in his safe, the older man looked over to where Ezra was sitting in the corner.  He was sat with a bottle of whiskey slowly topping it up to the brim with a concentration that only a drunk could achieve.

Like this in the near dark of the saloon, the misery seemed to roll off the younger man in waves, what every had driven Ezra to Lucky Strike was eating away at him.

Slowly Ezra got to his feet swaying. He carried his glass of whiskey over to where Jack was leaning against the counter; he then drained it and slammed the shot glass down in front of the older man, and then turned on his heels and went up the stairs.

Jack reached out and picked the shot glass up, he understood the code. With his thumb Jack stroked the glass in a thoughtful caress, he knew what Ezra was offering him, sex between men was illegal, and the little signs were the keys they had to use to find a partner.  Jack waited for five minutes then replaced the glass on the table and followed Ezra up the stairs.

He pushed the door to Ez’s bedroom open and found him looking out of the window towards the hills that framed the approach to town; Jack closed the door behind him as the younger man turned towards him.

0-0-0-0-0-0

 

The next morning when Ez started to surface from his drink and exhausted  sleep, it was to Jack pushing into his sleep pliant body, his voice soft in his ear, still half a sleep, his muddled mind could only think of Chris. Ezra tightened his arms and legs round him and clung on, now he had Chris he didn’t wasn’t to ever let go.  He called out Chris’s name, and  tired in his fuddled way  to tell him how much this meant, sleep slurring his voice, suddenly Chris changed from slow gentle thrusts that make him feel safe and loved, to hard brutal thrusts, Chris’s voice became harsher in his ear the earlier endearments replaced by obscenities and his grip on him became bruising. Ezra’s eyes flew wide open, as Chris, no Jack came inside of him, using his body to pin him down, when he started to struggle.  Jack’s kiss was demanding, forcing him to respond. Then Ezra willed his body to relax and he responded one hand moving up to bury in Jack’s thick black hair, as he took over control of the kiss. He had forgotten how much Jack had liked to start the day buried deep inside of him, working off his early morning erection, Jack allowed him to roll him on his back, Ezra broke the kiss and began to work his way down Jack’s body, slavishly worshiping him, until Jack caught him and pulled him back up, to ravish his mouth again.

Later Jack left and Ezra sank back on the bed and threw one arm thrown across his eye Ezra felt a shudder run through him as tears began to fall.  Jack had tried to leave last night, but he hadn’t let him, he had needed, wanted him in his bed, Jack a warm familiar presence. He uses to like waking up to Jack inside of him, his strong slender fingers bringing pleasure to his body. Knowing that Jack treasured him, loved him, and would willing try and lay the world at this feet.  

He knew that he was using Jack and the best thing he could do was leave him but the thought of being alone again was enough to keep him town. Before the seven he had travelled from town to town living on his wits always working alone but in the short time he had been with them he had learned to appreciate what they gave him. There was never a price to be paid; the support they gave him was freely given. Having someone watch your back was a luxury that he hadn’t had since he had parted with Jack. They saw the good in him when everyone else saw only what he allowed them to see, the money grubbing lying gambling conman. But that was left behind him, along with Chris, he had to build a new life from himself, once he had built up a big enough stake he would go further south, Mexico maybe. In the meantime he just had to get through one day at a time and giving himself up to Jack was no hardship he told himself because with Jack he would be loved.

0-0-0-0-0

Jack only just got back to his room when he threw up in the chamber pot, when he woke it had been like old times, Ezra had welcomed him with moans and groans and the name the he called out although badly muffled he had known it hadn’t been his, and he had lost his temper thrusting into him, as if he could wipe any thoughts of the other man away. It didn’t matter that Ezra had responded to him, he had raped the dearest man in his life because there was no other way he could rationalize it. Jack sank to his knees, and began to shake. “Oh god what have I done.”  


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Chris arrives in Lucky Strike, Ezra has to make a choice.

It was early morning when the two riders entered Lucky Strike, the Sheriff was just having his first cup of coffee of the day, when he saw them, and the taste of the coffee was like ashes in his mouth. Just what he wanted Chris bloody Larabee, in town?  He nodded his head to acknowledge the moustached man, Buck, the two pulled up in front of him.

It was Buck that spoke to him.  “Sheriff, we’re looking for a gambler name of Ezra Standish, you seen him?”

The Sheriff jerked a thumb towards the Long Branch Saloon, “he’s been working the Faro tables over there, and Collin’s also got him a poker table as well.” He paused “Standish runs a clean game, but then I don’t expect any less from Jack Collins, the man’s a straight shooter. I’ve had no trouble with Standish since he came to town”

“You expect trouble with him?” Chris said his voice as cold as ice.

“You can never tell Larabee, he turns up here on his own, not on official business being chased by telegrams, it makes me wonder why. Now if it was that half breed of yours.”

“Vin’s no half breed; he’s white as you are.” The words were snarled at him, and Chris’s hand moved to push his duster back, allowing the Sheriff a clear look at his gun.

The Sheriff got the message he held a hand up, “meant no harm there, just I don’t see you boys round here that often especially on your own. Got the feeling there was a parting of ways, with Standish.” He looked at Chris Larabee, his expression like thunder and added “your business, I’ll keep out of it.” But Chris was already turning his horse away heading towards the livery stable, not even bothering to acknowledge him, leaving Buck the peacemaker to exchange a few words with the Sheriff and then to tip his hat to him and follow on behind.

0-0-0-0-0-0

During the afternoon Ezra sat playing poker with three miners, the men played cautiously, it was still a couple of days to payday, and they had been nursing the same beer for the last two hours. The saloon girls wouldn’t make an appearance on the floor until early evening. 

But the slow trickle of men up and down the stairs at the back showed the girls were still working from the backroom. The Sheriff was a God fearing man but a realist understanding that if there weren’t whores, then no decent woman would be able to walk the street. So he allowed them to work but only from the saloons and Madam Kate’s whorehouse on the outskirts of town. Once a month the doctor was paid $2 a head to check them over for the pox and the clap, and the saloon keepers and the brothel owner paid a tax to the Town like any other business, not a dollar more or a dollar less. Not perfect but nothing in the world was perfect but it worked.

It wasn’t long before the word came to the saloon that Chris Larabee was in town and soon there was no other topic of conversation to be heard. Ezra had controlled his reaction to the name only the slight tremor of his hand showed it had affected him and then only then someone who knew him well would have seen it.

It was early evening when Chris Larabee walked into the saloon.  The  gun man didn’t pause in the doorway too look round the room, only a fool would put himself at that disadvantage as his eyes grew used to the difference in the level of the lighting in the saloon.  Buck took his place at Chris’s shoulder for the easy-going gunman couldn’t help but muse it was like old times. Only this wasn’t a rival that Chris was going to beard in his den this was the man that he suspected the blond loved. But this was no normal man here this was Chris Larabee and like this he wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got Ezra in his sights.

0-0-0-0-0-0

The silence that descended on the room when Larabee walked in was the first indication that Collins had that something was going down. He walked round from where he had been talking to a couple of the Town Elders who were enjoying a quiet drink away from their demanding wives.

You didn’t need to be in New Mexico long before you heard about Chris Larabee the man in black, he had cut a bloody sway through some of the wildest most deadly towns in the West and was still breathing. 

He knew that Ezra had been working as one of the seven, but had never been able to figure the game Ez was playing by staying and risking his life for a pittance. Something important had made him stay so long in one place, and a  long game like that had to mean a big pay day, now with Larabee the leader of the Seven in town he might finally find out what Ezra had been doing  and see if he could cut himself in on a piece of the action. 

Ezra looked up from his cards and watched as Chris came in the man in black looked towards him and for a moment their eyes met. He saw the cold in difference on the blonde’s face as he looked at him. It was as if he was looking at a stranger. One thing he wasn’t surprised to see was Buck riding herd on Larabee, the big man smiled and touched his hat to him and somehow Ezra managed to give a tight smile and a nod of the head back.

Chris scooped up a pair of glasses and a bottle of whiskey from the bar leaving Buck to dig in his pocket and pay for them. The table that Chris had picked was already occupied in the corner of the saloon as it gave a perfect advantage point for seeing the stairs and the front entrance.  But the minute that he approached the three cowboys sharing a beer and smoke got up and quickly left. No one was going to get into Larabee’s way when he wanted something.

Buck eased back in his chair next to Chris and he accepted the whiskey and took a sip of it at the same time admiring the saloon girls that the fancy vested man that could only be owner was sending out to mingle with the customer. He gave a shake of the head that old Chris was all right, could crush the fun right out of the place just by walking in. Buck looked across at this old friend, his flat brimmed hat was pulled down over his eyes, even inside the saloon, his hands cupped round a whiskey glass, and he wouldn’t have offered money on who the blond was looking at.

Ezra surprised Buck and gave him a good indication of how badly off the gambler was, for the first time Ezra look tarnished, shabby that was it. Sure he had been down on his luck when they had first met him in Four Corner, he had heard about the bone headed con he had tried to pull from Chris. But he had made the effort even trimming his cuffs to make himself look the gentleman, but here, he could see the usually white shirt was grubby, and the dark shadows under the younger man’s eyes showing some of the exhaustion, he also noted the way that Ez was topping up his whiskey. The man was a drinker, hell all gamblers were, it went with the territory, but Ez kept it under control, too much liquor and a man lost his reason and his money. Not that Ez had anything to worry about with the miners; he would still beat them cut nine to the wind. But he didn’t like to see it, it was just another indication of how far and fast Ez had fallen.

Buck’s concern was growing about what was going to happen between the two men. Chris could be one cold hearted, mean son of a bitch when he wanted too and he was at his worse when he wasn’t sure what he wanted or how to get it. Like this he was on a slow burn and it wouldn’t take much to fan it into flames and then god help them all.

He had seen the older gambler in the fancy vest when they had come in this must be the man Collins the Sheriff had been talking about. Buck frowned when the man came over and placed a hand on Ez’s shoulder and leaned into him as he spoke quietly to him. All the time he spoke, Ezra didn’t look up from his cards, but Buck noticed the way that Ez’s hands tightened on the pieces of pasteboard.  Fancy vest gave Ez’s shoulder a squeeze of reassurance and then walked back to the bar. So far he hadn’t come over, but that wasn’t unusual, most bar owners kept their distance of Chris too busy praying he would move on not wanting to socialize with him. So he was more than surprised when fancy vest, picked up another bottle of whiskey from behind the counter and came over.

“Gentlemen, welcome to my saloon.” Collin’s voice was warm and friendly, his accent northern but with a hint of the south to it. A travelling man, Buck mused.

Fancy pants continued, “My name’s Jack Collins, the bottle’s with my compliments. I just ask that you don’t start any trouble in my saloon,” the man smiled “I just got it decorated.”

“I don’t start trouble, bar keep.” Chris’s voice was low and cold; he tiled his head slightly so that his icy blue eyes could take over the fancy man, “I finish it.”  He turned his attention to the whiskey “I’ll drink your whiskey and keep what you said in mind.” Chris’s gaze slide from the bottle across to Ezra and added “but I can’t promise it.”

Jack Collins nodded “I just needed you gentlemen to know where I stand.  Mr. Larabee, Mr. Wilmington.” Then he was gone walking back towards his bar, he caught the arm of one of his girls and sent her across She was pretty and had all the curves in the right places. Seeing her hesitate, he understood why, old Chris wasn’t exactly the warm and inviting kind,  Buck caught her waist and pulled her into his lap with a laugh enjoying the soft feel of her body She wasn’t wearing a corset and her ample breasts whre nearly spilling from her low cut dress. She responded immediately to him wrapping her arms round his neck and giggling. A few minutes later he was setting her on her feet and catching hold of her hand as she lead him towards the stairs leaving Chris alone with his bottle

By the time he came down Buck knew more about Jack Collins than he could ever have brought with green backs. But Chris wasn’t interested in what Buck had to say, he got up and  walked over to  Ezra’s table, and took a seat putting his money on the table, “deal me in,” his voice was cold and level and his eyes never left Ezra’s as he took his place.

Ezra began to deal; the only sound was the cards slapping down onto the table. By the fourth hand people were beginning to leave the game. They could feel the tension between the gambler and the gunman and wanted nothing to do with it.

The game continued in silence. Buck saw Collins moved closer to the table and for a moment he caught the saloon keeper’s expression and could see that the man was worried and in a heartbeat he knew it wasn’t the expression of a man worried about an employee. No it was a man worried about someone close to him. “Shit,” Buck breathed, if Ezra had moved on then Chris wasn’t going to take it well. His old friend was at odds with his feelings for the handsome young gambler and it wouldn’t take much to tip it to violence. Buck was determined he had lost Chris once and wasn’t going to lose him again on his watch.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Two hours later

Buck hoped never to have to go through the last two hours ever again he had seen the look that Ezra had given to Collins and the man had backed off but the tension on that table had grown until it seemed to suck all the air from the saloon. It wouldn’t take much for it to explode into violence.

If Chris had seen the look that Ez had given Collins he made no show of it. Just because he didn’t react didn’t mean his old friend was ignorant of it.  Chris could be a might slow on the uptake sometimes especially when relationships were involved, which he put down to the big lump of ice that was where Chris’s heart should have been. Other times it was because Chris didn’t give a damn what other people did, he was going to hell in his own way, and let other people do the same. But some of that had changed because of the scarlet coated gambler that sat opposite him at the table.

Chris finally threw in his hand, and drained his drink.

“Leaving so early Mr. Larabee?” Ezra asked.

Chris paused and lit one of his habitual cheroots, “I’ve got an early start tomorrow,” he paused the added his voice cold and deadly, “I  told you once what would happen If you walked out on me Standish, this is your warning, be on your horse tomorrow at 7.”

“Or what Mr. Larabee? After all that is an indecently early time”

“I’ll see you at noon,” Chris’s hand brushed the butt of his gun. Turning on his heels he walked away Buck didn’t expect Ez to do anything, but out of habit he watched Chris’s back for him when the man in black got to the door only then did he get  to his feet and followed him, touching his hat to Ezra on the way out.

Buck caught up with Chris on the sidewalk, “Come on, old dog, you can’t seriously be thinking of calling him out?” One look at his friends face and Buck added quickly, “This is Ez we’re talking about.”

 Chris ground his cheroot out on the post of the porch of the saloon, “so?”

“Damn it to hell Chris, just because he….”  Buck broke off in mid-sentence; he turned on his heels and went back into the saloon like this Chris wasn’t going to listen. He wanted Ez back but instead of talking to him he was ordering him. Knowing Ez it wasn’t going to work so if Chris wouldn’t listen now was the time to talk to Ez and hope he could talk some sense into the gambler.

“Mr Wilmington” Ezra smiled as he waved the affordable gunman to a seat and then continued his game of solitaire.

Buck looked round, there were still plenty of people in the saloon but Ezra’s table was empty. That was the Larabee effect; he could kill a party just by walking into the room. People might know that Ez was part of the Seven, or they might have no idea, but they had seen and heard Chris and that was enough to keep them keeping well clear of Ezra. No one wanted to risk sticking their nose into Chris Larabee’s business. Now Buck was fast, you didn’t get to survive long as a gunman or a lawman, and Buck was both without being fast, but unlike some fool kids, he knew that Chris was faster than him, hell his old friend was the fastest gunman in the territories.  Ezra was no slouch with a gun, he would rate Ezra as the fastest of the seven after Chris, but still he wouldn’t be fast enough to survive. Because Ezra would hesitate and Chris wouldn’t pure and simple, so it was up to him to talk one of the damned fools out of it.

0-0-0-0-0

Buck sank down into a seat near Ezra and took a long slip of his beer, “you know Ez, Chris is one stubborn son of a bitch he’s stuck in his ways. The old dog’s got a lot of fears.”

Seeing the slightly mocking smile that touched the younger gambler’s lips, Buck shrugged, “Don’t give me that look Ez, you pit him against  a gang of gun hands and he won’t bat an eye, but ask him  to explain what he’s feeling and he can’t because that’s what men do.”

“You consider me less than a man.” Ez said levelly.

“No son, I would never do that if I did I would have to say the same about me, Vin and Josiah.”  Buck waited but Ezra just looked at him his gaze seemed to cut him to his very core, but he met that gaze levelly, Ez had to know that he wasn’t alone. Then Ezra said “Son?” he raised an eyebrow at him but Buck just treated him to one of his widest grins.

“I just call them as I see them, Ez.”

The young gambler was silent and thoughtful, “What Chris wants….. I can’t be like Sarah, meek and….”

Buck laughed, “Who ever told you that? Sarah was a regular spitfire! The first times she met Chris she emptied two barrels of rock salt into his ass when he threatened her father.” The older man paused, “those two gave me grey hairs like fire and oil that’s how I would describe them, but you know what? Ezra, Sarah and Chris became like two sides of the same coin. Hell son, don’t look as if it’s going to change anytime soon.”   When he saw the puzzled he added “because it looks like you and Sarah are cut from the same cloth, so don’t let the old dog get away with it. You need to speak to him now…..”

Buck broke off as he saw Collins heading towards him, Buck leaned into Ez as he got up, “do it and do it now, Ez, because you’re going to have to make the first move,” and with a nod of the head at Collins, “and the old dog don’t take kindly to someone else trying to cut in on him, last man that did that we buried in Boot Hill,” and with that Buck, got up and left the table.  

Collins sat down with a fresh bottle in his hand and reached over to top up Ez’s glass only for the younger man to put a hand over the glass, with a shrug Collins filled his own glass up. “So that’s him?” Collins watched Buck as he walked away, “a fine figure of a man, I can see why you are so taken with him, a man like that has passion in him.” He broke off as Ezra laughed.

 “Jack, you’re one hell of a businessman, making a velvet purse out of this pig’s ear of a town.  But you can’t read people to save your life, cards maybe but not people; Mr Wilmington is just a good friend.”

“Well if it’s not him that leaves……”

 Ezra couldn’t help but smile as he reached for the bottle as he saw the look of sheer horror on Jack’s face as he finally put two and two together.

Collins leaned right forward as he hissed “you can’t be serious, Larabee?  That…” he trailed off grabbing the bottle off Ezra and taking a hurried drink from the bottle in large gulps. Jack wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “That sure explained one hell of a lot,” Jack said as he realized why Ezra didn’t look scared when the grim reaper himself took a seat at his table, it also just made things a lot more difficult considering his past with Ezra, and somehow he didn’t think that was going to sit well with Larabee. 

Self-preservation cut in as Jack demanded “Does he know about us?”

“You’re still breathing Jack,” Ezra said then shrugged “that is if he is still interested. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

“Ezra.” Jack hissed “when the hell were you going to tell me you had him on your tail?”

“I didn’t really think that he would care enough to come after me” Ezra shook his head in disbelief, no one not even Jack had ever cared enough to come after him when he ran They usually just wrote him off, or they left first. Whatever he was going to add went unsaid.

Just then some new players made their way over to his table, and as Ezra turned a professional smile of welcome on them, Jack went back to his office; he suddenly had a lot to think about.

It was late when Ezra finally called it a night in the saloon, he parted from the other players with a smile, as one of them said as he walked away, “he almost makes it a pleasure to lose money to him. “

Ezra was lost in thought as he climbed the stairs to his room, he paused at the top of the stairs, when he saw Jack stood there, when the older man opened his mouth to speak, he just shook his head and kept on walking. He needed time to think about what he was going to do, Mr Wilmington’s words kept repeating through his head and they gave him hope.

A smile tugged his lips, Mr. Larabee had arrived with all the finesse of a hurricane, into town, he honestly couldn’t have expected less, and he was pretty sure the surly, handsome son of a bitch had feelings for him. Come tomorrow, if he was still in town at noon, Mr. Larabee would come looking because he was a man of his word and honor would dedicate that he call him out. So whatever he was going to do he had to do it fast.

When he put his hand on the door handle to his room it opened up, Ezra flicked his other hand and the spring-loaded derringer dropped into his hand, as he pushed the door open only to see Chris standing there.

For a man that had Chris Larabee threatening to kill him, Ezra didn’t look worried, this was a dance he understood, “of course Mr. Larabee, that is a response I might have expected. But logic must tell you that my position in Four Corners following our talk at the ranch was one that I cannot maintain. It would have been too cruel, to daily be reminded what I could never have, as I watched you and Mrs. Travis together.” He paused “she can offer you what I can never, what you once had.”

Chris verbally lashed out “Fuck that Ez, you think that’s I what I want.” He muttered under his breath and then sank down onto the bed, turning his hat through his fingers thoughtfully, as if struggling to find his words for what he wanted to say. 

Reaching for Chris’s hat Ezra plucked it from his hand, and dropped it onto the floor as he sat down onto the bed next Chris, allowing himself a smile as he saw the look that Chris gave him, it wasn’t often that that legendary Chris Larabee was lost for words.

Ezra reached out and laid a hand along Chris’s face, pleased when the gunman didn’t flinch from his touch, and when he leaned into Ezra’s hand the younger man felt a warm feeling of contentment spread through him.

“I think Mr. Larabee, that you know what you want, but you don’t know how to ask for it, and that you think somehow it would make you less of a man; I know what you have before is sacred to you. What I offer is my love, my loyalty to you, and I will never lie to you about that.”

Chris chuckled, “Ez, you lie all the time.”

Ezra couldn’t help but pull back as he heard that, only to have his wrist caught, “But you have never lied to me about your feelings.”  Ez took a steadying breath which caught in his throat, as with his other hand Chris reached for him, cupping the back of his head, as he pulled Ezra to him and kissed him soundly. Breathlessly Ezra settled himself against Chris’s chest, as strong arms held him, now was not the time for them to take the final step, but for them to take the first of many, like this Chris began to talk, his voice, rough from the cigars, whiskey and the emotions that finally he allowed himself to feel.

0-0-0-0

It was only after Chris had gone that Ezra’s demons began to show themselves, all the self-doubt began to return, made even more vivid by being reunited with Jack, and right at the top of the list was the fact he had let Jack fuck him. He was all too aware of the flaws in him that had made him run from Jack, unable to believe that Jack would not finally tire of him and turn him out. So he had run first. Perhaps it was better to leave now and run hard and fast so Chris would never find him again, than face the day that Chris looked at him with utter disgust, as too needy to much of an embarrassment. He was under no illusions that Four Corners one day, not soon but in the future things would change, and then Chris wouldn’t have any need for him, it would be conform or leave, Chris had his ranch now, he was building a future, and he wouldn’t be part of it then.


	4. Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ezra runs Chris is not far behind him.

Next morning

Buck came at a run, he had gone to get the horses and found Ezra’s missing, it hadn’t taken much to have the livery stable owner tell him the whole story, how the gambler had collected his horse earlier that morning. “That boy was near on knocking my door down, said he was in a hurry.” The old man cocked a head at Buck, “Heard tell how he ruffled Larabee’s feathers so can’t really blame him for heading out like his tail was on fire. Now if you ask me….” That was as far as he got, Buck had heard enough and set off at a run to get Chris.

Chris turned into a whirlwind of black as he took off after Ezra with Buck trying to keep up.

It didn’t take long to catch up with Ezra; the gambler was riding slowly, hunched over the neck of his horse.

“Standish,” there was no mistaking the voice, Ezra pulled his horse to a halt, he kept his head down, then swore under his breath, straightening up head held high, and hauled his horse round and looked Chris straight in the face, he might have sneaked out of town to avoid this very confrontation, but now it was happening he wasn’t going to hide.

“What the hell.”  Chris barrelled up to him, pulling his horse side to side with Ezra’s animal.

“It’s not worth it Chris.”

“It,” Chris didn’t get any further, as Ezra cut across him “I am not worth it.” The words got him shook hard.

“Who told you that Standish?”

“Everyone one I ever met,” Ezra tried to knock Chris’s hand away but the gunman was going to let it happen “including my dear mother.”

Ezra has never been frightened of Chris; he understood the man’s need for control and his crippling loss of his family and the emotions that still burned through him. One day Chris loved and he felt that the two of them had a future, the next Buck comes along, and he’s rejected and the dream that he allowed himself to create had been smashed. Last night was another night for dreams. But in him he had learned his lesson, better to dream, than face the hard reality of life.

Chris’s hand dropped away, “then that she wolf is no mother to you,” he looked over his shoulder at Buck, his old friend nodded knowing when to back away and turned his horse from them, and made his way back to town.

Ezra dismounted and lead his horse off the main trail he didn’t have to look over his should to know that Chris was following him.

Watching Chris approach him, he waited to see what the other man was going to add, he opened his mouth to defend his mother, only to see Chris push his hat back so that it hung from the storm straps at the same time as he was caught in Chris’s arms and pressed back against the tree as Chris kissed him, it lacked style, it lacked finesse, but it made up with sheer passion, when the blond gunman pulled back, he left him gasping for air.

“When you make your mind up….”

“It stays made up, Ez. But I want to know what made you run. Because that is as sure as hell stopping now, I thought we had an understanding last night.

“It’s …….,”

“You see me going anywhere Ez.”

“I was about to be tarred and feather by some rather unfriendly   Yankees, and Jack saved me, we worked together after that.” Ezra paused waiting for Chris to say something but he didn’t. So he continued.

“I have known for a long time that my tastes are more towards men than women, it’s a dangerous life to live, prison, beatings, lynching, are just some of the things you can expect if the good citizen’s discover your secret ”Ez shrugged at the vagaries of life.

“Finding that Jack felt the same way Mr. Larabee, was like find a safe port in a storm.”

“So what happened?”

“We were too much alike, and Jack wanted a commitment which I couldn’t give him.”  Ezra looked Chris right in the eyes as he said that. When Chris didn’t say anything Ez shook his head “didn’t you hear me, I couldn’t…..” that was as far as he got.  Chris’s hand shot out grabbing him by the scruff, as he manhandled him back to their horses.

“Don’t matter Ez, because all you have to know is one thing. You run, I’ll be one step behind you. There’s not place on this earth that you can’t go without us dogging your tracks, and if I can’t you think you can out run Vin.”

“Our Mr. Tanner, you think he would understand?

“Hell Ez, he’s got two dollars riding on this, and that boy doesn’t gamble unless it’s a sure thing.”

“Don’t remind me of that,” the shudder Ez gave was pure theatre. Ezra was well aware of Vin’s on going physical friendship with Josiah and Buck, the last being a big surprise, but his closeness to Chris was legendary, and Mr. Tanner had a unique way of dealing with people that pissed him off.

Chris added “Vin would have been here himself, but he reckoned a one eyes racoon could track you, and someone had to mind the store.”

“Then I think it’s better not to prove Mr. Tanner wrong.”

0-0-0-0-0

Luck Strike

Ezra was gone, and everyone was talking how Larabee lit out of town like a bat out of hell, with murder in his heart, after him. He had no way of knowing where Ezra had run too, that boy was a regular ghost when he wanted to be, all he could do was wait.

So Jack bided his time, it was  four days later that he heard from a couple of cowboys at his table that Ezra was back in Four Corners, he caught the next stagecoach.

0-0-0-0-0

Ezra’s Room – Four Corners

Ezra looked at himself in the mirror, and then at Chris sat on the bed, pulling on his boots, and gingerly touched his split lip and couldn’t suppress a wince as the whiskey on the rag made the cut sting as he dabbed it, after an energetic bout of kissing had broken it open again.

When Chris went to open his mouth Ezra stopped him “I know Mr. Larabee, there are some very bad sports in this world, and for some reason they seem to congregate at my table.”

“Must be your natural charm, and Ez, considering what I was doing to you half an hour ago I think you can drop the Mr. Larabee crap, I thought I had made myself plain on that score before.”

“Certainly, Christopher.” Ezra’s grin, died as Chris stalked towards him. Ez back peddled only to be caught and pinned against the door, as his mouth was ravished by the blond gunman. Then he was spun round, and Chris was out the door, leaving him gasping for breath.  Then breaking into a warm smile, Chris might be ice, but there was fire under the ice, Chris was a deep one with his emotions.

0-0-0-0-0

The stagecoach arrived in Four Corners, and Jack Collins got out, and beat the dust from his clothes with his hat and then turning collected his bag from the shotgun rider, and looked down the street. It was then he had the feeling of being watched. Turning slowly he saw the younger man leaning casually against the post holding up the porch of the Sheriff’s office, the battered confederate hat, the hide coat, and the mare’s leg strapped to his leg. The man pushed away from the post, and turned and entered the sheriff’s office. A few minutes later the easy going man from the saloon came out a cup of coffee in his hand, followed by the other man. The newcomer’s face clicked in his memory, Larabee’s friend Buck someone or other.

Buck drained the cup and tossed it back into the office, and with a nod to the other man came over, his face split into a welcoming smile, but the other’s face was neutral as they closed the distance to him.  Stood this close now Jack knew that if there was trouble the younger man’s hand would more like go for the bowie knife at his side rather than the mare’s leg.

Neither of the men wore a badge, he turned his head slightly to see another man approaching, he was a lot younger and actually wore a badge, but he hung back allowing Buck and the other man to take the lead. Jack exhaled slowly; it seemed that he was caught up with an official welcoming committee not aimed at him but anyone coming on the 11 o’clock stagecoach.

“Well Jack Collins, never expected to see you in Four Corners, passing through.” Buck said.

“Stopping, a matter of days only, just looking in on Ezra, perhaps have a hand of cards or two.”

“Ez expecting you, mister.” The other man said, although his Texas accent was softly spoken there was steel in it that made Jack grateful of the hideaway derringer, but it was as if the young Texan could read his mind, because when he smiled at him, Jack has seen friendlier smiles on the faces of the alligators in the bayous.

“Vin here will walk you over to the hotel,” Buck raised a hand to stay off any protest that Jack might make, “just part of the service.”  But it was plain that Jack was getting an escort if he liked it or no.

 

 Only when the Jack and Vin had walked away did Buck turn to JD.

“You know JD his sort I don’t trust as far as I can throw them.”  Buck said thoughtfully, as he added “he’s got too much going for him in Lucky Strike, that saloon of his is real pretty, and his girls dress right from Paris France and old Ez doesn’t have enough high rollers hitting town, to make it worth Collins while to come here. So he’s here more than for a few hands of cards. Which leaves only one thing he wants which is Ez?”  Mind made up he added.

“JD you hold the fort, I am going to run Ez and Chris down.”

0-0-0-0-0-0

Hotel

Jack closed the door of his room behind him and then moved to the window, pushing back the curtains and looked out across the street, the Texan was stood there, looking up at his window, and put two fingers to the brim of his hat in a salute.  Walking back to bed Jack sank down on it, and fished out his flask and took a pull, savouring the ten year old whiskey.

There were seven peacemakers in Four Corners, he had met the Texan, Buck, the kid Sheriff and Larabee, and of course Ezra, that left two men unaccounted for. They had the law sewn up tight, with the kid carrying the badge, but Larabee would be the force behind the badge.

What the hell had Ezra really got himself mixed up into?

0-0-0-0-0

Kitchen of the saloon

“Jack’s here,” Ezra said with disbelief, as Buck stood there filling the doorway.

The bigger man continued “Vin’s keeping an eye on Collins, until you’re ready Chris.”

“Mr Wilmington, Mr Collins coming here has nothing to do with our illustrious leader; this is something that I will handle.”  Ezra said.

Chris glared at them, and Ezra could see that he wasn’t happy with the news, some people like to inflame their loves make them jealous, but Ez had too much respect for Chris and Jack. There was no way he wanted to launch a pissed of Larabee at anyone. His mind whirled, why would Jack follow him, damn the man, the one reason that came to mind was that Jack wanted to make sure he was okay. More than likely thought that Chris was going to put a bullet through his hide, and given their exchange in the saloon and him running out he couldn’t blame the man.

 “Oh hell, Jack always had more balls than sense.  You have to understand we go back to after the war. You saw the burns,” He waited for Chris to nod, “they were  caused when I was tarred and feathered, a word of warning Mr. Larabee never gamble with the son of a Mayor.  Mr. Collins, Jack was the first person that I had ever trusted Chris, and for a long time he was the last.” He lifted his head and looked Chris right in the eyes,” and he was my lover, he love me without condition, not many people male or female are prepared to do that.”

“Why did you leave him?” There was no censor in Chris’s voice, just an honest need to know.”

“Because I was an idiot, I kept waiting for him to turn on me, for him to give me a reason not to trust him.”

“So what did he do?” 

“He wanted me, to stay.  I couldn’t do that you’ve seen my darling mother, I didn’t want to be controlled.” Ezra gave a small soft laugh, “Ah Mr. Larabee, I was a fool then. Once I had burned my bridges, I believed that I could not return.  Now finally you have proved that I have something to return too. You’re the first person to ever think I was worth going after.” His smile brightly as he added “by that I mean someone that wasn’t trying to cash in on that reward poster of the Judges.”

Chris reached for his coffee “Then you best find out what he wants before I do.”

0-0-0-0-0-0

Hotel

Jack was all too aware that he was being corralled until Larabee got there, rather than be cornered in his room he made his way downstairs and took a seat in the entrance hall of the hotel. He was reading the local broadsheet, when he heard a cough, and looked up to see a blond haired woman, she smiled “Mr Collins, I am Mrs Travis; I see you’re reading my paper.”

“Mrs Travis” he got to his feet and hat in hand. “A pleasure to meet you. But how I can help you?”

“I like to speak to all the notable people who arrive in Four Corners, and hoped that you might grant my paper an interview.” 

Normally he would have politely, refused but who better to get his information, than straight from the horse’s mouth, and he sent a silent thank you  to whatever had prompted him to wear what he like to call his banker’s suit today, rather than his gamblers garb.

“I couldn’t help but notice when I arrived the stage was met by your Sheriff.”

“J D Dunne, a good man, but too young for such a position.” Mary said trying hard to curb his disapproval, but Jack heard it.

“There was also a Texan, looks like a buffalo hunter that would be….”

“Vin Tanner, a bounty hunter” Jack noticed the way she paused over the name as if tasting something unpleasant, so he continued.

“And a big man with, Buck Wilmington what’s his story.

“Oh that would be Mr Wilmington, a gun man, and an outrageous flirt; he used to be a lawman once.”  She conceded reluctantly before added “at least he can help JD.”

“I was told you have seven regulators, he ticked them off Vin Tanner, Mr Dunne, and Mr Wilmington.”

“Perhaps we can return to them later, our town is more than just the Seven, could I ask what brings a business man like you here.”

“I’ve heard good things about this town, and I am looking at investments.” Jack said, he wasn’t actually lying just he couldn’t see Mrs. Travis being happy with his idea of a new saloon in her town.  Looking past her as he spoke he saw the unmistakable flash of bright colour that was Ezra and the drab, dark vision that hovered at this shoulder that was Larabee heading towards the Sheriff’s office.

For the moment he would stay with Mrs Travis, and later when Ezra was alone he would talk to him. The way Larabee was acting like Ezra’s shadow, and given the threats he had made in Lucky Strike and the bruising he had heard about, Ezra was a possible prisoner in the town. If he was a prisoner he was going to help him escape and Larabee be damned.

Jack was not a callow youth he understood all too well how people would react if they learned that Ezra liked his bed fellows with more solid muscles than gentle curves. So he approach it carefully, for someone as experienced in reading people Jack could easily reader the younger woman,  Mrs Travis had certainly taken a shine to Larabee. She  saw him as prospect husband material believed that she could take him.

He finished his chat with Mrs Travis and had a slow walk down the street, and sure enough his Texan shadow was still there, he paused in front of one of the Saloons, it wasn’t the best in town, but it was the kind of place to his experienced eyes that would bring in the customers, on a regular basis.  Not that grand that a man felt he had to knock the mud off his boots but good enough that they didn’t water the whiskey and it was the one that Mgrs. Travis has told him that Ezra frequented.

Getting a drink he settled himself down in a seat on the raised platform at the back of the saloon where the high stakes games where played, and watched his shadow prop himself up against the bar, and offer him a two fingered touch of the hat in response to the beer that Jack had left for him.

It wasn’t long before Ezra came in, he collected a glass and a bottle and seated himself down opposite him, Jack didn’t hide his surprise when Ezra left his back exposed, and then he understood, as he saw a mountain of a man with a face only a mother could love come in and take a position at one of the table. Between the Texan the newcomer Ezra was protected.

He waited while Ezra poured himself a drink and then topped his own glass up, looking at the label on the bottle he smiled “colour me impressed Ez, I didn’t expect to see a bottle like this in a backwater like this.”

“A few of my friends in New Orleans haven’t completely forgotten me.”  There was a pause and then Ezra added “Your curiosity is showing Jack.”

“Why Four Corners.”

“It’s a long story, but.” Ez shrugged, “The esteemed Judge Travis remembered me from a certain altercation in Fort Griffith that resulted in a totally farcical travesty of justice that manifested itself in a wanted poster. He offered me my freedom from that poster in return for 30 days service as one of the regulators of this dusty town. I had a slight misunderstand with Mr Larabee and he said that if I ran again he would kill me. Mr Larabee is a man of his word.

“So that was why you returned with him, I heard him threaten you Ez.”

“Oh that.” Ez paused, “that was Mr Larabee calling me on something that I had forgotten. That I am more than just myself to think of, I now have a family of brothers to think of.”

“Was that why he hit you.” Jack motioned towards Ez’s face.”

“This.” Ez touched his face with his fingertips.  “I was attacked by some exceed bad losers, I ran from Mr Larabee because I feared what I couldn’t control.” 

“Then he didn’t hit you.”  Jack pushed, not sure if he totally believed his younger one time lover. Larabee had such a violent reputation it was hard not to believe that he wouldn’t use his hands on someone that disobeyed him.”

“Jack,” Ez said as if reading his mind “if he had Larabee or not I would have planted him on his ass, I am no man’s punch bag. Surely you know me well enough to know that. Also if I haven’t done it one of the others would have. Mr Dumas Musketeers have nothing on the other members of the seven. One for all and all for one is the creed that they live by. It is surprisingly refreshing. For someone in our profession.”

Ezra saw the change on Jack’s face, and knew only one man that could inspire that look, without turning round he said. “Good morning Mr Larabee.”

“Ez” Chris’s voice had the cold edge to it that Ezra knew all too well.

“I was just explaining to Jack that his concern over my welfare while appreciated was not needed.  Four Corners is the place where I want to be.”

“Collins has a problem with that?”

“No.” Ezra got to his feel, “the work of a long suffering lawman is never ending, if you will excuse me Jack….. Mr Larabee.”

Larabee pulled the chair Ezra had been using to one side as he sat down, then reaching for the bottle he topped up Ezra’s glass and took a drink; his silence was unsettling even to an experienced gambler like Jack. There was something about him, it was like sitting with a rattler, you could hear his rattle, and see he was called up ready to strike, but you didn’t know what was going to settle it off.

“Both of us know Collins there’s nothing here for you, no saloon for sale, and the cat house is in good hands, and I can’t see you as a merchant, or a banker. So that leaves only one thing of value in Four Corners, you might be looking to take. Larabee took another slip of his whiskey as he watched Ezra walk away. Then added “don’t hear you denying it?”

“is it wrong to be concerned about a friend, Mr. Larabee, I see that you and the rest of the seven take friendship very seriously, my Texan friend has been with me since  I first stepped off the coach, and I am sure that is more than just concern that I might get lost in this fair town of yours.”

Just then his Texan shadow came over, pulling out one of the other seat and to one side so that his back was protected, he put his beer down, and favoured Larabee with a grin, “You read him the riot act cowboy.”

“You can be replaced Tanner,” Larabee said cold and deadly, but Tanner’s grin just widened. Ignoring him Larabee added “Vin’s really friendly with Ez, he wouldn’t take it too well if you were to cause him grief.”

Looking at the Texan, Jack suddenly believed it, he had heard one of the towns people call the Texan a half breed, he knew he wasn’t, but the man has said enough about Tanner’s heathen way, and he had no intention of finding out how close to heart Tanner’s Indian adopted heritage was.  So he asked. “And you Mr Larabee?”

“I would plant you in Boot Hill Collins,” Chris’s lips twitched in a smile that sent Jack cold, he found it hard to imagine Ezra with this man, who was so cold and emotionless. One thing was sure that he was frightened for Ezra if the man ever found out he had fucked him in Lucky Strike.

Just then the kid Sheriff came rushing up, and Larabee drained his drink, and walked out, with the kid following in his wake, it was then he realized that Tanner was still at this table.

“Aren’t you going with them?”

“Nope, Old Chris he wants me to stick real close to you until you leave town tomorrow.”

“Who said I was leaving tomorrow?”

Tanner slapped a ticket down on the table in front of him. “The stagecoach leaves here at 6.00 am, and Chris will be looking for you at 7.00, you don’t want to be here.”

“I am not threat to Ezra, we’re old.”

“Fuck buddies.” Vin said, causing Jack to choke on his whiskey. Then continued, “Can’t see anything wrong in liking the other side of the trail, done some tracking there myself, but Old Chris he’s a mite possessive, he takes care of what he owns, and don’t take kindly to anyone poaching on his range,” Vin drained his beer, and touched his hat to him as he headed out of the saloon.

It was late afternoon when Jack finally left the saloon to get some dinner, and he somehow wasn’t surprised to see Vin Tanner sat by the side of the saloon door, his chair tilted back his feet resting on the hitching rail, he gracefully got  to his feet, and fell in by his side.  It was then he saw Ezra just ahead of him.

0-0-0-0-0

Ezra was patrolling the town. He still got the cold shoulder from a certain percentage of the town, those people that still saw a  cardsharp and killer. Then there was people like Mrs Potter who made a point of coming to the door of the her store to spent a few minutes talking to him. Mrs Potter was one of the seven’s most staunch supporters, thankful to them for bringing her husband’s murderer to justice. He spent several minutes chatting with her. He had started to continue when he paused. He saw five men riding into town. The men rode at a steady pace one wearing a red bandana stopped and dismounted drawing out a Winchester as the other four continued on. Then one with a silver band on his hat  stopped and did exactly the same. The remaining three stopped at the bank. Two went in while the third stood wiping his nose on his sleeve and waited outside.

Looking towards Vin he could see the Texan already moving towards him, “Mrs Potter, I would appreciate it if you would close the door, and lock it and any of your customers inside.”

Mrs Potter nodded, “take care Mr Standish.”

“I will endeavour to do that,” He touched two fingers to his hat to her and continued down the street, catching hold of one of the boys from the livery stable. “Master John, I need you to sound the church bell.”

“Yes, Mr Standish.”  The boy took off at a run, the lookout didn’t look worried, children always ran especially boys, it was only as the bell tolled minutes later that then men began to look round as the street began to clear.

Ezra saw Vin step into one of the alleyways and then haul himself up onto the roof, and move into place, with a Winchester he had taken from the nearest horse, and then he moved into place.  Buck was at the other end of the street with Chris, there was no mistaking Larabee with his black duster as both men started towards the robbers. Nathan and Josiah had come from the clinic and the church both carrying rifles, and JD was stood in the doorway of the Sheriff’s office, waiting to take his cue from one of the others.  Just then two robbers came rushing out of the bank, as nose wiper pulled his gun and fired at him, Ezra made a dive for cover behind the large water  trough and he returned fire, only to have his attackers head explode in a shower of brains and gore as Vin shot him. By now silver band and red bandana had their hands full, with Chris and Buck blocking off the street to the North, and Josiah and Nathan the south, Vin was holding them pinned on the East, it only left the West road out of town, Ezra running low rushed across to get to JD. Bullets chewed up the street round him, but he made it with a dive and a roll as JD covered him.

One of the robbers tried to get back into the bank to take hostages, only to find the door locked firmly behind him, and when he broke the window he was thrown backwards by a blast from the manager’s shot gun.

Then all went quiet, slowly the Seven started to come out into the open, one of the robbers swung onto his horse, his spurs raking the flanks of his horse, and the animal leaped forward straight at Ezra and JD.  Ezra flung himself at the younger man, knocking him out of the way, as he hit the ground Ezra rolled onto this back, putting three bullets into the man who came crashing down off his horse.

Ten minutes from the first shot being fired, the five robbers were dead, even those towns people who feared the Seven knew this was why the town was relatively free from attack, anyone that tried it only got a spot in Boot Hill.

Jack stood with his gun in his hand; his attempt to help had nearly gotten him killed, as the healer of the Seven had nearly taken his head off, when he had seen him turning his gun in Ezra’s direction. A black healer protecting a Southern gambler, that told him more than anything else that Ezra was in good hands with these people.

0-0-0-0-0

The next morning Ezra shook hands with Jack just before he boarded the stagecoach.

“Are you going to tell him?”

Ezra didn’t have to ask what and who, because he already knew, “If I am to go forward he needs to know Jack, but I promise you won’t have anything to fear.”

 Jack clapped him on the shoulder, and then turned to board the coach only to see Larabee stood like a dark shadow in front of the sheriff’s office.

0-0-0-0-0

When Ezra had told Chris he needed to speak to him, Chris has nodded and followed him back to his room, understanding that this was something that could not be overheard.

Chris moved close to him and put a hand out and squeezed his shoulder the older man no doubt seeing his unease “Ez”.

Ezra was resolved to do this, it didn’t matter that Chris might never want to touch him again after this, but at lease this time he wasn’t going to start what was possible the most important thing in his life with a lie on his lips.

There was no way he could break it gently, “When I was in Lucky Strike,” Ezra paused, and looked Chris straight in the eye, “I fornicated with Jack.” He felt Chris’s hand tighten on his shoulder, the fingers digging into his flesh. “I thought I had lost everything, Christopher, Jack came to me, but I made the first move, afterwards I knew that it was you or nothing, I felt empty, used no different than a whore, they prostitute themselves for money, I did it so that I wouldn’t feel alone but all it did was make me feel worse,” the self-loathing was plain in his voice.

“Ez, this is my entire fault, if I had been a man, I would have told you what I felt, I would have told Buck the truth, and not tried to hide you away like some sort of dirty secret. But one think I have to know about Jack Collins did he force you Ez?” Chris’s voice was ice cold.

For a second Ez was thrown and then he understood “Jack, of course not, but it was no good, he wasn’t you. And I felt that I had used him, a good friend and I lied to him, that’s why I can’t lie to you about this.” Taking a shuddering breath he added. “If you don’t want me I do understand that Mr Larabee, no one wants sloppy seconds.  I can live with that, but I want you to promise me that your leave Jack alone and at peace. He is a good man and he was only trying to make me happy, that’s all he’s ever wanted to do. “

The next second Ez was caught and thrown against the wall, he flinched expecting a blow, but instead was kissed within an inch of his life, his clothes stripped off him, and he was manhandled onto the bed, his body covered by the fully dressed Chris Larabee, the coolness of the leather duster, the rough texture of his pants made Ezra gasp and moaned rutting against him. Chris wanted all that Ez could give him, and over the next hour took him apart piece by piece, replacing the uncertainty with love and reassurance,  until Ez was incapable of a coherent thought, other than his need for him.  Now Ez was his he was never going to let him go and he was going to make sure that Ez knew it.

 

0-0-0-0-0

Three months later Jack came out of his saloon and headed to the late night eatery, when in the dark of an alleyway there was the scratch of  a match, and then a flare of flame, and in that light he saw Chris Larabee, as the gunman lit his cheroot, and shook out the match.

“I think we should talk, Collins.” There was that shark like smile that made Jack almost piss his pants, “It’s about Ezra.”

to be continued

 


End file.
